Archives for: March 2006


Permalink 12:49:59 am, by matherman Email , 108 words, 60152 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Two Countries 56 Acres of Rock – Cluster Fuck

dokdo islet
Ok this is just damn stupid two countries fighting over 2 islets called Dokdo that total 56 acres. Oh my god the Japanese made the printing company put a referance to the islets being soverign territory of Japan. Do they plan on putting up resorts on the islets? I wouldn’t think so since they are just 2 small rocks sticking out of the water. I hope the 2 don’t go to war over the rocks! Koreans might have to send out the turtle ships, you remember what happened 400 years ago when they sent them out. I wonder if the US is going to back korea in this saga?


Permalink 03:18:12 am, by matherman Email , 164 words, 142319 views   English (US)
Categories: Other

Kimchi Song

Listen or Download here

Get that Kimchi off your plate
Throw it out the god damn door
You’re a GI's women now
You don’t eat that shit no more
Get in there and brush your teeth
If you plan to share my bed
Come to me with breath like that
Tie a baggy around your head

I don’t care what all your friends say
That their yobos like to eat
Serve me that shit one more time girl
Gonna find your ass back on the street

I don’t care what all your friends say
That their yobos like to eat
Serve me that shit one more time girl
You’ll find your ass back on the streets

I can eat most anything
(oh and he does)
Takes a lot to make me gag
So I’m warning you this time
Rotten cabbage ain’t my bag

I don’t want to be a drag
Rotten cabbage ain’t my bag


Permalink 01:14:39 am, by matherman Email , 156 words, 41139 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Can't Sell Your Media Player – Sue Microsoft

Sanview filed suit against Microsoft for 10 billion won in damages in Seoul’s High Court because they are pissed off that Microsoft bundles Media player with its operating System. Well it seems to me that it is not Microsoft’s fault that their shit ass media player doesn’t sell. If they had a better product it would probably sell, or if there were not a few really good open source media players out there like VLC. I have windows and I don’t use the damn media player, I use the free program that I downloaded VLC. If Koreans don’t like it, I think Microsoft should stop selling their OS in Korea. Fuck a bunch of Bill Haters. What’s next are they going to sue apple for bundling QuickTime with their OS? It figures that a Korea court would even hear the case. As bad as the frigin French trying to sue Apple.


Permalink 05:15:01 am, by matherman Email , 60 words, 29531 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Beat the Rice Man Down

Oh look the Koreans are upset about rice imported from the US. I don’t know what the hell the problem is, they have been selling us their shitty cars for years. Few tons of rice from the US should not be an issue with the countless tons of crap Kia, Hyundai, and Daewoo cars that have hit US docks.


Permalink 05:17:29 am, by Berg Email , 295 words, 131079 views   English (US)
Categories: Other

Korean Classic

If this song doesnt describe it all nothing does.

listen or download here

Miss Lee:

In a bar in Itaewon
Down from Old Yongsan
On a barstool she flashed me her thang
Well i thought i'd get closer
So i stumbled over
sit down and asked her its name
When the drink overtook her
she said i'm a hooker
but you can just call me Miss Lee
so i gave her a 20
she gave me 14.07 back
this is what happened to me:

You picked a fine time to burn me Miss Lee
4 days to port call and a case of VD
but i had a good time
i lived through a short time
this time its herpes type 3
(type 3?)
Picked a fine time to burn me Miss Lee

As i sit in this bar room
gotta go to the bathroom
lord it hurts so bad when i pee
what she did to my wienie
i outta kick her kundingie
if i could just find that Miss Lee
then the post Sgt. Major
He made me a wager
that i couldnt that i couldnt catch his Miss Kim
So i'm going out tonight
If my wallets just right
then i'll give my herpes to him!

You picked a fine time to burn me miss Lee
4 days to port call and a case of vd
but i had a good time
i lived through the short time
this time its herpes type 3
(thats 1 and 2 together)
Picked a fine time to burn me miss Lee
Picked a fine time to burn me miss Lee
You picked a fine time to burn me miss Lee
or che or cho or chong or kong or wong or ?

Well thats it, Korean bars outside military bases in a nutshell :)

Permalink 03:12:07 am, by matherman Email , 139 words, 16786 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

First Native Americans Now Koreans


It appears that America is to blame for Poktanju. First we gave the Native Americans firewater a few hundred years ago, and then in the 1920’s we introduced Korea to the “Boilermaker”! Now it appears that so many Koreans are drinking Poktanju and having Poktanju parties that it is causing a substantial financial blow to Korea. According to the Korean Herald 20 percent of industrial accidents in Korea are alcohol related. And Korea is the number one consumer of alcohol among OECD (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development) countries. I have to point out that Germany, Ireland, and the United States are also members of OECD. So here is a big round of applause for Korea taking first place in this competition! Out drinking the Irish, all you Koreans out there should have a warm fuzzy for such an accomplishment.

Permalink 12:41:55 am, by matherman Email , 114 words, 34678 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Fuck that Green Light

So I was at the main gate at Camp Humphreys today waiting for the light to change. In front of me was a Korean in a Musso. He decided he didn’t want to wait for the light to take his left turn to get on base. He just cut off the people coming in from straight across that actually had a green light. Ah the ugly Adashi and his need to be there 2 minutes before you, and risk the chance of causing and accident. So if you are at Camp Humphreys feel free to cut everyone off and be an ass at the main gate. When in Rome, or Anjongni in this case.


Permalink 04:44:12 am, by E_Blog Email , 47 words, 19212 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Big Fuck You For Adashi

Here is a big fuck you going out for the adashi in the
taxi that almost
fucking pushed me into a van this morning and didn't
even have the god
damn courtesy to use is four-way flashers when he was
fucking me over.
Seoul taxi tag number 33-7423.


Permalink 02:06:38 am, by Berg Email , 127 words, 119995 views   English (US)
Categories: Ugly American

more stupid americans

well i'm posting this for adapted since he hasnt done it yet :)

We were set up near the front gate watching the americans running back to base for their curfew and a couple of guys ran out in front of a taxi which had to slam on breaks to keep from hitting them. They then began slapping and rocking his car and trying to curse at him in Korean (they HAD NOT learned the language). The driver calmly got out of his cab and in less than three seconds he had rendered them both temporarily paralyzed from the neck down. They both fell to the street twitching and soiling themseves. It was quite funny and a well deserved response to the americans vulgar and childish disply.


Permalink 12:00:01 am, by matherman Email , 188 words, 31467 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

I’m Invisible

I know this has annoyed most of you during your visit or stay in Korea, the use of the four-way flasher. This hot item in Korean cars turns on the invisible / invincible camouflage. When the four ways are on its ok to double and triple park, run red lights, drive on the wrong side of the road, take a left turn from the right lane, or just about any other traffic violation that would land you a pretty hefty ticket in the USA. I think adashi actually believes that he could take on a train with his four ways on. Oh look at me I got my four ways on so fuck you because if you hit me it’s a percentage your fault, also because Korean Insurance companies fucking suck, and no matter what it’s always the foreigner’s fault. If you see some jackass with his four-ways on barreling down the street just let him go because you don’t want to end up the target of some fucked up Korean lawsuit. I wonder if Korean cars exported to the US have this option disabled?


Permalink 11:27:02 pm, by matherman Email , 107 words, 62749 views   English (US)
Categories: Tourist

Suwon Wall

A good place to go see on the weekend is Suwon wall. Just about the only cost is the transportation fee to get there and whatever you spend on food. Just hop on the train or take the bus up to Suwon. Once there just ask the taxi driver to take you to nam mun and you can do the walk around the wall it is about 5km long. If you take the train when you walk out of the train station and go to the left there is a tourist information center not that far down where you can get a free map of the area.

Permalink 08:06:17 pm, by matherman Email , 100 words, 71395 views   English (US)
Categories: About

New Additions

I just added two new blogs "tourist" and "other"

Korean trick is for the stupid human tricks korean style
beautiful is for the things you like about korea
ugly is for ugly american stories
tourist for you to put up places and things to do here in korea including directions and picts(picts are limited to 300k)
other is anything that doesn't fall in the above four categories(base rantings etc)

Also any post to one of the categories now displays on the main page, so you don't have to click through all the tabs to view the other post.


Permalink 01:28:11 pm, by Berg Email , 44 words, 41338 views   English (US)
Categories: Ugly American


there have been so many times i see stupid americans doing stupid things here, there are times where i'm almost embarressed...If you've even been to itaewon, songtan, or the hump on a friday or saturday night you know just what i'm talking about.

Permalink 01:22:03 pm, by Berg Email , 75 words, 73382 views   English (US)
Categories: Beautiful Korea


ok well heres my addition to the good korea :) food. i love korean food. they got it right, i mean BBQ? come on thats a winner...nothing like some great bulgogi from Seoul Buffet...if you know the street in between burger king and geckos in itaewon, just walk down it about a half mile or so, it'll be on the left. all you can eat 9000 won. man they should be paying me for this...

Permalink 01:17:58 pm, by Berg Email , 268 words, 30268 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style


And something else i've been meaning to bitch about. This one i actually see as a serious cultural flaw that bothers me. Ok, i'm sure most everyone at some point or another heard about the stem cell scientist that faked just about everything he did. It bothers me that he did that as a scientist, basically showing it wasnt about the research it was just about getting famous and ahead. But it made me think of a story my dad told me years ago about one of their korean phD students...if you didnt put it together my dad is a college professor, chair of his department and a phD advisor to some of the candidates. Well the story involved a korean phD candidate that was getting ready to defend his thesis, the only problem being is that he plagiarised about half of his thesis FROM HIS OWN PHD ADVISORS THESIS which had been written 10 years or so prior. Now this leads me to worry that this student felt such a blatant display of plagiarism was ok. I mean did he honestly think that his advisor wouldnt notice? He was a phD cadidate, which least me to believe that he probably wasnt a complete retard, which in turns leads me to believe he thought this was ok. So when all the stuff came out about the stem cell scientist i honestly wasnt suprised at all. anyway, this bothers me almost as much as the rampant bribery that goes on in Korea, which is much less subtle than our own lobbying system, but thats material for a different blog...

Permalink 12:57:27 pm, by Berg Email , 329 words, 122345 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

ahhhhh...back again

back in the land of morning i've missed it in all its splendor. The jet lag is in full effect now as i sit here at 5:39am on a saturday morning. So i just had to let everyone know i was back on penninsula for a while and i'm sure i will have more fodder for the blog in short order. on a daily basis at least i imagine. So what is with those vultures at the airport, you know, the guys that wait at the exit from customs, and then proceed to follow you all the way outside asking if you want a ride in a shameless display of kiss-assing. Of course i want a ride fucker, i just flew in, i didnt drive from DC, i dont have a car here and i want to get to a hotel. Now the 1st and only time i did this was last year, and i swear to god it was just some guy in his van. no taxi sign, no car service sign, nothing. and then the fact that i was the stupid round eye who (he assumed) didnt speak korean, he tried to royally fuck me on the price. like i've never taken the ride from incheon to seoul. he actually doubled it from the normal taxi price to 120000 won. well take heed foreigners flying in! dont do the crazy guy/van combo! You'll wake up in a tub of ice without a kidney...well upshot of the story is basically i got where i was going and told him i only had 60000 won and that he was a bastard, all of it in korean, which flabbergasted him enough to not even bitch that i gave him half the fare. Remember Koreans, theres alot of us who do speak at least basic korean, and more of us that can understand when you talk shit about us...reap what you sow koreans, you reap what you sow...


Permalink 04:09:53 am, by matherman Email , 130 words, 64723 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Marry Me

Here is a little older story from back in December (friend emailed me the link today), but still funny (well if your not the guy that had a chance of going to the slammer anyways). A US soldier promised to marry a girl to get her to have sex with him, and faces up to 2 years in jail or a five thousand dollar fine. Under Korean law it is illegal to tell a girl you are going to marry her to get her in the sack. I never heard anything else about this. If anyone knows what kind of punishment the guy got, or if the case was dropped put in a comment and let us know. Oh yea the guy was already married, guess that might fly in Utah.


Permalink 05:44:37 pm, by E_Blog Email , 6 words, 38892 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

This is Email Blog test

This is an email blog test

Permalink 02:35:08 am, by matherman Email , 277 words, 124571 views   English (US)
Categories: Beautiful Korea


I guess I will contribute something to the beautiful Korea section. Without Korea we never would have had MASH. What would the world ever have been like if we didn’t have Hawkeye, Trapper, Hot Lips Houlihan, Ferret Face, Colonel Potter, and everyone’s all time favorite Radar O’Reilly. Can’t forget the memorable theme song either.

MASH (Suicide is Painless)
Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be the pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see...

[chorus]: That suicide is painless It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please. I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate without that ever-present hate but now I know that it's too late, and...

[Chorus] The game of life is hard to play I'm gonna lose it anyway The losing card I'll someday lay so this is all I have to say.

[Chorus] The only way to win is cheat And lay it down before I'm beat and to another give my seat for that's the only painless feat.

[Chorus] MASH The sword of time will pierce our skins It doesn't hurt when it begins But as it works its way on in The pain grows it grin, but...

[Chorus] A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key is it to be or not to be' and I replied 'oh why ask me 'Cause suicide is painless it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you choose.


Permalink 03:16:48 am, by matherman Email , 120 words, 29091 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Blame Grandpa

This is just damn funny. I guess the Koreans just don’t want to let go of the past. They are still punishing the descendants of people who collaborated with the Japanese (most likely to avoid death or their daughter heading off to the comfort camps) . They will not allow them to sell or mortgage their land. Oh and there is talk about upcoming laws that will allow the government to reclaim the land. Seems a little ridiculous to punish the children or grand children for their relative’s mistakes. Well the Japanese just came in and took the land now the Korean government is going to the same—Pot calling the kettle black?

Here is the article Korean Herald


Permalink 03:05:43 am, by matherman Email , 125 words, 43601 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style


This one really annoys me. I get a call on the phone, answer it and hear “yobo say o”. I tell them in English I don’t speak Korean. What do I hear again “yobo say o”. Now one time I kept this up and hear “yobo say o” five times before I hung up the phone. I don’t know about you, but in American when I call someone if I hear some foreign language, I just hang up. Not Koreans, they just keep repeating “yobo say o”. Do they think that some cosmic force will enlighten me after they say it two or three times and I will suddenly be able to speak Korean? I guess all I can say about is WTF!


Permalink 11:21:56 pm, by Berg Email , 281 words, 107565 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Methods of Suicide:

When a Korean is truly courteous and decides to save a fellow Korean the trouble of running them down with a car or moped, several general options exist for them to remove themselves from the somewhat lacking Korean gene pool. The favored method of overstressed Korean high schools girls (yes they wear those cute sailor moon uniforms, unfortunately the majority of them should have been destroyed at birth for being ugly and Korean) is to go to the subway, walk to the edge of the platform, and jump in front of an oncoming train. But because korea is such a whiney half-assed culture, about half the girls can only muster the courage to lean their heads in front of the speeding train, the result of which you can probably imagine. Although this greatly improves most of their looks, it is incredibly discourteous to the poor bastard that has to clean it up. Another favored method is to jump into the Han river which runs through downtown Seoul. A debt-ridden couple did this recently, having the good taste to take their shoes off, place their identification cards in them, and leave them on the bridge. Oh did I mention the note they left asking people to take care of their children? Now that’s class, having the courtesy to ask someone who’s not a piece of shit to take care of your children. If I had class like that I’d be fucking Frank Sinatra, or a lesser rat pack member at the very least. I submit to the jury that these Koreans fit in perfectly in to the DAK (Dumb Ass Korean) category. No wonder Korea has so many orphanages…

Permalink 06:09:13 am, by matherman Email , 107 words, 251727 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Stray Dogs

Another great habit that Koreans have in our area is their lack of love for their pets. When they get tired of them they just drop them off in a different neighborhood and leave them. I’ve lived in this area for 2 years and my wife has took in a stray and found a home for it and my friend and his wife have taking in a lot of them and found new homes for the dogs. So if you need a new dog chances are you can find one hanging out in the streets over here, if someone doesn’t grab them for a meal first!


Permalink 01:07:56 am, by ricky Email , 393 words, 48707 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Parking in traffic

I am not a very "angry" driver, I can deal with just about anything on the road and rarely get pissed, I just take it in stride, and thank Buddha that I am still alive. Vehicles can cut me off, force their way in front of me, or do just about anything and it doesn't normally bother me, except in this one case. Let use Business highway 1 as an example. I have driven down highway 1 from Pyongtaek to Songtan and back thousands of times, and at least once during every drive, I run into this same incident. You will be driving down the right lane, and of course there are signs posted that indicate "no stopping or parking", but what do you run into...a friggin' inconsiderate ass parked in the right lane. Now why does this piss me off more then anything's because, now I have to try to fight my way into the lane on the left, and cause an accident, which will of course be my fault, I should have waited for this bastard to finish his snack of cow intestines, or pick up his Soju for the ride home. Just the other week I was driving to Seoul from Songtan at about 7:30 in the is quite busy at this time on the two lanes headed to the Osan Interchange. So I hear tires screeching a couple cars ahead and cars darting to the left and cars on the left driving into oncoming traffic to get away...this only lasted a couple seconds until I come up on the reason...some Korean woman stopped to drop off her friend, yes, she just decided to stop right in the middle of the get this...she stops right in front of a large entrance to a gas station...and it went for about 100 meters...she could have driven to the right about 10 feet, dropped off her friend and then kept going and pulled back in. So this dingo almost caused a pile up just because she was so friggin stupid and inconsiderate that she couldn't pull over. So, since this is one of the only things that pisses me off...I pulled in front of her and stopped. I stayed there for a minute waving with one finger just to show home much I liked her.


Permalink 03:26:32 am, by matherman Email , 355 words, 27528 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Fuck a Bunch of Truck Drivers

About the most ignorant drivers on the roads over here are the truck drivers, Taxis following in a close second. I hit the highway the other day at about 5am and get up to the tollbooth, which only has one lane open at that time of the morning. Well when I arrive what do I see, Adashi just hanging out in his truck. I don’t know if he was sleeping there, just hanging out under the lights of the tollbooth sucking up the rays like some kind of lizard, or perhaps he got himself one of those good looking girls that work at the booth—if this is the case I guess I can’t be that mad at him, but he still could of pulled up a frigin hundred feet so other people could get to the damn highway. Oh and this scenario has happened a few times on my commute. The other annoyance with the truck drivers is the damn spotlights they have on their trucks that point straight back in your eyes—really great on a foggy day like today. I could understand possibly having some lights like that on their truck for backing up, but shut the goddamn things off on the highway! Oh and then there is the total lack of lights. You have everything from one light missing to all of them being out. I know you have seen it, your driving, and then all of a sudden you see a shape ahead of you, when you get closer bam there it is Adashi with not one fucking light on his truck. Last but not least the idiot that stacks shit up on his truck until it looks like it is about to fall over. I wonder how many traffic related fatalities occur from these trucks every year. So that’s the ignorant uncultured Americans pitch on the dumb ass truck drivers over here in Korea. Hey Berg if you got any death stats on this one post em up!

Switching from one blog to another is now done at the top of the screen, just look up.


Permalink 12:24:53 pm, by ricky Email , 177 words, 187916 views   English (US)
Categories: Ugly American

Americans for Lunch

So, this has happened so many times, I can't even count. Of course I have about 12 years in Korea, so it even aggrivates me more. What I really hate is how any race or culture thinks they are superior. Everyone of every race have their good qualities and their bad. Us American's probably have more bad then good, but we love to point out others weaknesses. What really gets my goat is how those of us who can barely speak one language like to put down those who speak multiple languages and their English is not to our standard. I don't know how many times I have heard American's ordering food from Taco Bell, Burger King, or hell...McDonalds downtown, give the clerk crap because they don't understand their broken, slurred, back-country English. Soemtimes I just want to punch the country bastard or bitch for being such an ASS! Your are in another country you Dumb Ass, they speak probably 2 if not 3 or more languages, you can barely talk to a pre-schooler, so GIVE THEM A BREAK!

Permalink 02:00:25 am, by matherman Email , 534 words, 9456 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Beautiful Korea, Ugly American, and the Jackass

Ok first off here is a comment from the Jackass:

“The stupid part are the pampered americans who can't understand much less adapt to different cultures. Go back to mommys apron strings, you will never be mature enough to travel far from her. Meanwhile, those of us who can adapt and understand will continue to enjoy our life in Korea.”

And our regular blogger Berg responded with:

“You mean to tell me you've never seen anything in Korea that stuck you as funny? or odd? or stupid? I dont care where you're from you have to have seen something...I mean, hell, one time a few years ago i saw a guy slaughtering a pig in the middle of his restaurant dining room...Yes, being an American it struck me as a little odd. We dont do that at home. Maybe wherever you're from your mom in her apron used to slaughter pigs in the middle of your dining room, not us. But just from a cleanliness standpoint come on, its not a sanitary way to slaughter an animal, and plus you're serving people on those tables later, and if you think they will clean it with anything more than a bloody rag and some water, i will gladly point out the restaurant to you so you can eat there; its in one of the Songtan alleys. Personally i think i will avoid it but it provides me with a funny/stupid story to post on a blog site. And speaking of adapting, i dont know if you've bothered to learn the language, or have lived there long enough to, but me, the stupid immature, pampered american, did learn it. So it seems to me you're the immature, judgemental, and closed-minded one for bitching at us without knowing what the hell you're talking about. And for the record Fan Death IS fucking stupid.”

Now you may not of read these comments to the articles, but they can be viewed by clicking on the “Last Comments” link just below the calendar on the right side.

I really don’t give a rat’s ass what people think of the site, and will not delete any negative comments or spam (if it is amusing). I put another blog on the site about the nice things over here in Kimchi Land, and I allow any one to join up and post—only one so far from “The Dude”. I’m also going to add a third blog, “The Ugly American”. That way if you have some stupid American stories to tell, are Korean and just want to bitch about the fat lazy burger eating beer drinking loud mouth couch potato that lives next door, or bitch about my site you can. Hope those of you that like the site keep reading, those of you who don’t join up and bitch, and those of you that love the “Land of the Morning Smog” join up and let us know what we are missing.

And by the way after a long day of work it just makes me feel good inside to be an ass on the internet, and even better that we actually jerked someone’s chain!


Permalink 01:22:55 am, by matherman Email , 166 words, 86348 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Pass and Slow

For some unknown reasons Koreans always have to try and get in front of you on the highway. They see a dot or the hint of a taillight somewhere up ahead and have to make sure they pass it. They will fly by you like a bat out of hell, and then a minute or so later while you are driving at the same speed you have been for the entire trip, you are up on their ass. If you flash you lights for them to move they won’t budge you have to pull over to the right, go around them, and then speed excessively until you can not see them any more or you will be playing the same damn leap frog game all night. I don’t know what the hell the deal is with this, but I see it every day on my commute. If someone could enlighten me to the root cause of this behavior I would be delighted to know.


Permalink 04:20:09 am, by matherman Email , 199 words, 46009 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Farmer Gone Mad

In our neighborhood we have a farmer who is missing a few screws. It’s getting around that time of year again for him to take to his moped an torment the neighborhood. We have a plot of land beside our building that is not even owned by the farmer, but some guy who lives up in Seoul. Adashi just claims the land and the street in front of it as his own . Now there is two ways to get on and off the plot of land from the main road in front of our place and from a side road. He prefers the main road and is not afraid to let anyone know about it. He takes to his moped around five in the morning and drives around the whole neighborhood blowing his horn, and continues to do so until the poor owner of the legally parked car comes out to move it. I can tell you even the other Koreans around here are not that impressed with this guys stupid tricks. I avoid this parking spot like the plague, but you know someone else is going to park there and wake the madman hibernating inside the farmer.


Permalink 10:13:16 pm, by matherman Email , 135 words, 19068 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Put Another Dog on the Fire

I heard this story second hand, while I was out drinking a beer after work. It’s a tale of a boy, a dog, and an adashi at a Father son camping trip. So this guy decides to take his son out camping for the weekend. They get to a nice spot on a river and start setting up camp. The young boy is playing with a stray dog that is around, having himself a good time. Later on the dog disappears and is nowhere to be found. Then they notice an adashi nearby has a fire and walk over to see what’s up. When they get to the fire there is the dog roasting over it. The boy is traumatized and can’t stop crying and so ended the Father Son camping trip.


Permalink 08:12:44 pm, by matherman Email , 151 words, 105573 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Wack the Bird Flu Get Parasites

It appears today that the Koreans are setting up a new administrative body for food inspection. I guess a one or two people in the country decided it was a bad thing to bring in fish from China with carcinogens and sell Kimchi at the local store that has parasites. So you may be immune from the bird flu pandemic, but who knows what those parasite eggs are brewing up inside ya. Here is another concept that the new administrative body could explore, how about putting the damn meat in the refrigerator! Nothing like a nice grilled chicken breast that has been sitting on the kitchen counter all day before it is served up to you at dinner time. I personally have got food poisoning over here two times, and know a lot of other people that have also. So come on over, enjoy, and bring your Imodium and medical insurance.


Permalink 06:31:30 am, by The Dude Email , 506 words, 16124 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Saturday Brunch

Well I guess I do have a story to tell. This event happened about 3-4 years ago.

I was just waking up and having some morning tea.. I decided to go and look out the window of my third floor apartment window. As I approached the window I looked down to the road and noticed Adushi moving a white fury object from the middle of the road. As I watched my curiosity grew and I realized that some neighbors pet poodle must have gotten out of the house and wandered into the road where it was struck and killed. Naturally, I assumed Adushi was just getting the dog out of the road before it made a big mess under someone's tire. He pushed the dog off to the side of the road and then walked away.

I continued to drink my tea just standing there starring off into rice patties across from, thinking that this scene was all over. Was I ever wrong.. A few minutes later Adushi returns and has some tools in his hands He squats down holding a cylindrical object in one hand and a lighter in the other.. The object ends up being a portable blow torch. He lights the torch and sets it down while he puts on some leather gloves.

At this point my interest in this whole event is has peaked.. Im totally engrossed into what he is doing. Sipping my tea I watch as he lowers the torch to the poodle and begins burning all the hair off the exposed side.. few minutes later he picks the dog up to flip it. That is when I noticed that rigor had set in and the dog was as stiff as aboard. He holds it up as he burns ever last bit of hair off of it.

Remember now, he did not take this back to his house, he is doing this along the side of the road. People are driving by, others are walking by and he does not even receive a cursory glance. Business as usual, lucky guy found some road kill and is going to have a great Saturday brunch. Now once the hair is gone, I will save the gory details, he cleans the dog. Then proceeds to build a fire out of twigs, sticks, and pretty much anything he can find that is flammable along the side of the road. I know he has a blow torch, guess fuel costs too much. He takes a piece of rebar he found and uses it as a skewer. He then proceeds to cook the poodle over open flame.

This took some time so I left him to his business for awhile. When I came back he was picking bits of cooked meet of the animal and feasting. As tempting as it sounds I never went down and asked for a bite. The guy ate it like it was a delicacy at a fine french restaurant.

The moral here is that nothing goes to waste. Not even road kill.

Permalink 06:13:43 am, by The Dude Email , 181 words, 197402 views   English (US)
Categories: Beautiful Korea

Best looking women in Asia

Well, Since Dave has been hounding me to post on his site.. I have decided that I will irritate him and post on the good things about Korea side..

I only have one good thing to say about Korea.. The women here are in my humble opinion (so piss off all you third world lovers) are the extremely hot.. Better looking than most Asians I have met so far.. Chinese may come in at a tie.. but since I have not traveled there I cannot speak to that..

And now that they have been exposed to western food they are getting lovely lady bumps.. Just hope they dont end up like our women back home, weighing 250lbs wearing spandex and half shirts, belly buttons pierced but the only way to see it is if they lift the fat roll covering it. MMMMhh.. just the thought gets me hungry.. I could use a pound of nachos and some hot dog on a stick.. Thats all you need to pick up a hotty back in the good old USA..

Hope your happy Dave..

Permalink 02:59:24 am, by matherman Email , 236 words, 27398 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

From Illegal – Sex Workers Union

Hookers Protesting in Seoul
Hookers protesting in Seoul Go Yankees

Ok this is a story from last year. We had a little hooker problem over here in Korea. The government wanted to crack down on them! This is really bizarre since Korea is the land of the glass houses. You can walk down an ally and it will have a hundred hookers of all shapes, sizes, and have a variety of outfits. During the crack down the hookers took to the streets to protest the fact that they couldn’t practice their profession, and for the first time in years the pink lights dimmed at thousand-won ally. The hookers went into hiding practicing their profession at clubs, massage parlors, and over the Internet. Then a few months later they decided they needed a union. That’s right you heard me correctly a hooker union. I don’t believe that the government ever repealed the law, but there is a pink glow in the Pyongteak skies once more, by the train station. I’m also unsure if the hooker union got the girls better vacation time, more sick leave, or bonuses for the tenth customer of the night. Probably won’t hear another thing about it until another Korean official gets hair up his ass, because he got screwed over at the whorehouses!

Morning Smog Fact: It was the US military government that made prostitution illegal in 1947 / How times don't change


Permalink 05:49:00 pm, by Berg Email , 329 words, 87355 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

corporate policy making

ok, this is totally off topic but it was too good and i had to pass it on:

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string
and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to
climb toward the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other
monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey will make an attempt with the
same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now,
put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new
one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and
horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows
that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be
assaulted. Next, remove another of the
original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs
and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!
Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then a fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys
that are beating him have no idea WHY they were not permitted to climb the stairs or
why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing all of the
original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold
water. Nonetheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana,
Why not? Because as far as they know, that's the way it's always been done around
here. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how company policy begins.

Permalink 04:05:34 am, by matherman Email , 143 words, 26582 views   English (US)
Categories: Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

Looks like Nachos

One time a group of us were out in Suwon at the mall right there by the train station. The Outback Steakhouse was packed so we went to one of the other restaurants there. They had a variety of food, so from the picture menu I chose the nachos. I know not the smartest choice, Mexican in Korea. What a surprise I got when it came. It was the absolute worst nachos that I have ever had. The only thing that was kind of right was the chips.

Here is the Korean substitution list

Mexican restaurant US -->Korean Mex
Sour Cream --> Whipped Cream
Cheese -->Some Kind of Butter Crap
Salsa on chips -->Ketchup
Cup of Dipping Salsa -->Some kind of really bad barbecue sauce

Well I guess at least my draft beer was ok!

Planning a visit some time soon get the bulgogi.

Stupid Human Tricks Korean Style

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